Hi. It’s me, the dog. My name is Chess, like the game, because I’m black and white. I’m a purebred border collie from working dog parents, but I don’t have papers. I’m ten and a half years old, and the guy I live with says I’m overweight. He should talk.
This is me patrolling for squirrels and rabbits.
The little ramp there was built for my grandpa, also a border collie, because he got really old and it was hard for him to get in and out of the house because the people who built the patio and added an extra sliding glass door didn’t measure anything. The ramp is falling apart and looks very third world, but I’m used to it, so I told the guy I live with that it had to stay.
Anyway, the reason I’m posting is that the guy I live with says his mind is going. This is what he said happened. A light bulb burned out in one of the lamps, and it uses a special light bulb. So he went to the hardware store, but forgot the old light bulb to make a comparison, so he bought the wrong size. He went out today to return the light bulb, and put the receipt and the old burned out light bulb on the kitchen table, and when he left, they were still there. This is like the fourth time this has happened, with the light bulb, and that’s why he says his mind is going.
My mind is fine. I know the names of the dogs next door, and I know lots of other words. I am really smart. I don’t do any of the things the guy I live with tells me to, because they’re all dumb things.
This is me guarding the back of my yard. It needs lots of guarding in case something walks by.
I used to have a buddy, Slipper, who was my first cousin and two years older, but he got really sick and died. I was right there when it happened, on the patio, and the guy I live with was really sad, and so was I, but now it’s just me, and the world revolves around me.
This is my buddy Slipper when he was just little.
He could be naughty. Here he is being really naughty, with my old grandpa Flurry pretending not to see this disgraceful thing. I’ve never done anything this naughty. They got their names from a story called “The Irish R.M.”, but I don’t know that one. It must have been all about being naughty.
My grandpa used to stick his head in grocery bags and steal cheese. He had very strong jaws and it was hard to pry the cheese from his mouth.
This is me as a puppy. I was very cute. In fact adorable. You can tell. My nose eventually turned all black, like it was supposed to.
This is me and my buddy Slipper.
Back to today, this is me smelling something.
This is me thinking about all the Poa annua in this patch of grass. I’m not going to help weed it out, but I can watch.
This is me walking away, and hearing something, too. The guy I live with says that the gravel path is just temporary. He says the native grasses will fill in. I think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and just says that because it’s kind of ugly. I see more Poa annua too.
This is me walking into the house, about to go up the ramp I told you about, so I can take a nap in my fort, which you can see in the house, while the guy I live with looks for his mind. I don’t know what he’s going to do about the light bulb.
the miserable gardener 