the miserable gardener

Hi. It’s me, the dog, again. The guy I live with is busy staring off into space; I guess he’s trying to figure out how to get a light bulb for his light. It got worse last night when he discovered a note that said “20 x 20 x 1”, which was to remind him of the filter size he needs for the furnace. He’s gone to the hardware store several times to get a filter, along with the light bulb of course. He always comes home with stuff from the hardware store, but never a furnace filter or a light bulb.

Between you and me, I think the guy I live with is kind of a nut. He’s really nice and all, and I know he misses my mommy a whole lot, but he keeps writing these notes to tell himself what to do, and then he loses the notes. I would tell him to write a note telling him not to lose notes, but I don’t think that would help.

Since the guy I live with is kind of useless right now, what with all the note writing and staring into space, I took some pictures of my garden that you might like to see.

I go in here. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to, but the guy I live with has never said anything. Look how messy it is anyway. I know what “get out of the garden” means, but he’s never said that. It could be I wasn’t listening.

This is where the bunnies sneak into the yard. The guy I live with puts down a board over the hole they dig, and so they dig another hole. Bunnies are smart, too.

This is where bunnies lie down for their naps.

This is a trap on the path. The guy I live with said it would “take care” of the bunnies and squirrels that he says are supposed to be in someone else’s back yard. I remember my mommy asking him if the trap wasn’t set, how would anything be caught, and the guy I live with said it was just to scare them.

I don’t think it works.

This is scary. I stay away from these. Most of them are in the front yard, where I never go, but some are back here.

These are the troughs on the south side of the house. The fence shades them. There used to be one more, but Slipper, who was naughty, stood on it to see if he could see over the fence, and the trough broke. Slipper was okay, and the guy I live with didn’t say anything, because he realized he’d balanced it on two upright cinder blocks instead of putting them hortizontally like a normal person would.

This is scary too. There are two metal things that keep me from walking into this. You can see part of one of them. I think the little yucca is called Yucca nana, and the agave is Agave toumeyana var. toumeyana. (I told you I was smart.)

There are cactus hidden in the buffalograss. The guy I live with says it looks natural, but I think it’s scary.

This isn’t so scary. This is Opuntia basilaris var. brachyclada, I think.

Remember I said my buddy Slipper was really naughty? This was a path no one was supposed to go on except the guy I live with, and my mommy when she was weeding (I’d sit right next to her then and she never told on me), but Slipper, since he was naughty, decided it would be a good path for him, so it was made into a path for everyone.

This is the shortcut Slipper made when he ran out to the back fence. We all thought it was really, really naughty at the time, but the guy I live with put down a bunch of rocks, and said it looked natural (he keeps saying that all the time), and we all decided we liked it, so Slipper wasn’t being naughty, he was being a designer.

This is looking the other way. The guy I live with says this is what natural looks like.

This looks funny because it is. This is where my buddy Slipper did his butt dance. His rear end, on his back anyway, itched a lot, I guess, and he would scratch it on the pine tree and do a funny dance with his hind legs, so the branch was left this way. I never tried it.

I guess I’ll go to the hardware store tomorrow with the guy I live with, and if he comes back to the car without the light bulb and furnace filters, I’ll nip him. I do that sometimes because it’s my job to keep him in line.

Hi. It’s me, the dog. My name is Chess, like the game, because I’m black and white. I’m a purebred border collie from working dog parents, but I don’t have papers. I’m ten and a half years old, and the guy I live with says I’m overweight. He should talk.

This is me patrolling for squirrels and rabbits.

The little ramp there was built for my grandpa, also a border collie, because he got really old and it was hard for him to get in and out of the house because the people who built the patio and added an extra sliding glass door didn’t measure anything. The ramp is falling apart and looks very third world, but I’m used to it, so I told the guy I live with that it had to stay.

Anyway, the reason I’m posting is that the guy I live with says his mind is going. This is what he said happened. A light bulb burned out in one of the lamps, and it uses a special light bulb. So he went to the hardware store, but forgot the old light bulb to make a comparison, so he bought the wrong size. He went out today to return the light bulb, and put the receipt and the old burned out light bulb on the kitchen table, and when he left, they were still there. This is like the fourth time this has happened, with the light bulb, and that’s why he says his mind is going.

My mind is fine. I know the names of the dogs next door, and I know lots of other words. I am really smart. I don’t do any of the things the guy I live with tells me to, because they’re all dumb things.

This is me guarding the back of my yard. It needs lots of guarding in case something walks by.

I used to have a buddy, Slipper, who was my first cousin and two years older, but he got really sick and died. I was right there when it happened, on the patio, and the guy I live with was really sad, and so was I, but now it’s just me, and the world revolves around me.

This is my buddy Slipper when he was just little.

He could be naughty. Here he is being really naughty, with my old grandpa Flurry pretending not to see this disgraceful thing. I’ve never done anything this naughty. They got their names from a story called “The Irish R.M.”, but I don’t know that one. It must have been all about being naughty.

My grandpa used to stick his head in grocery bags and steal cheese. He had very strong jaws and it was hard to pry the cheese from his mouth.

This is me as a puppy. I was very cute. In fact adorable. You can tell.  My nose eventually turned all black, like it was supposed to.

This is me and my buddy Slipper.

Back to today, this is me smelling something.

This is me thinking about all the Poa annua in this patch of grass. I’m not going to help weed it out, but I can watch.

This is me walking away, and hearing something, too. The guy I live with says that the gravel path is just temporary. He says the native grasses will fill in. I think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and just says that because it’s kind of ugly. I see more Poa annua too.

This is me walking into the house, about to go up the ramp I told you about, so I can take a nap in my fort, which you can see in the house, while the guy I live with looks for his mind. I don’t know what he’s going to do about the light bulb.